Sunday, April 27, 2008

The prompts, for the writers with whom I've been rubbing elbows of late, for today, or yesterday, maybe tomorrow or even Tuesday Seemed to lend themselves to a combined post.
Let's call it a literary manège à trois or the intercourse of three prompts.

Completion, completion, what does it mean;
Ashes unto ashes, dust unto dust?
Eons ago when we came into being
Out of the turbulent ocean we're thrust
Changing and changing, mutating our gene.
Cohabitate, fornicate, so we must,
Raping the planet, polluting it's stream-
Ashes to ashes is certainly just.
Earth will recover, with life it will teem.
Our place on this orb will come to a bust.

To find something outrageous to pontificate upon, what better place to look than the "news"? It's everywhere you look; newspapers, television, Google, radio, Why it's darn near impossible to escape it unless you're a hermit living in an abandoned mine somewhere without "modern" conveniences. Even the Amish are touched by the "news."

There isn't a day goes by, that when I look at the morning paper, I don't at least think, if not utter out loud; "for cripes sake, that's outrageous!"

Case in point: Yesterday morning I rode my bicycle the two miles to the local Parkway/Subway convenience store to purchase the paper so as to find fodder for my Writer's Island post about "outrageous" stuff. Mind you now, I rode my bicycle to protest the outrageous increases in the price of gasoline, as well as the outrageously poor gas mileage my gas guzzling SUV gets.

Case number 2: On arrival to the store I'm accosted by a cadre of pixie faced girl scouts putting on the full court press from the table they'd been allowed to set up just out side the entrance to the store to make people buy their Girl Scout fat pills. Jeepers can't a guy just go to the store without being coerced into buying something he doesn't want? Well I think that's outrageous. And just to make my point I only bought one box of Thin Mints. Actually I only bought one box 'cause I'd already order a few boxes from a friend's daughter at work.

Ok, so now I've gotten my paper, some cookies, and oh yeah,
a 2 liter jug of gingerale. I usually drink diet Pepsi, but I've been on a Gingerale kick lately. Off I pedal the two miles home, anxious to scan the front page of the paper the see what the latest local, regional, national, and world-wide outrages were. Of course I stopped by the Post Office to get the mail (like what else would you stop at the post office for), chat up Deb, the postmistress, and I stopped by the market to talk to the mayor, and she told me about a friend who'd suffered a stroke the night before, oh and to say she wanted to help out with the triathlon we're planning to put on the first week in Oct. and...... Doesn't it just peeve you to no end when I get off on these asides which pertain not one iota to the stated topic. Why, it's downright outrageous! If I was you, I'd stop reading right now just to protest! Please leave a comment if you do stop here though. Yes that means all you anonymous readers/commenters too.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah, front page of the newspaper.
What's this? I don't believe it. I must be trapped in some Nutsy Fagan of a dream here or it's some precocious editor's idea of a joke. Well let me just tell you some of the headlines and you'll see what I mean:

Detroit puts out new car that burns water and it gets 200 miles to the quart. Selling price to start at $5,237.99.

Congress gives up pensions to fund universal heath care in US.

Incidents of domestic abuse and child sex abuse plunge to zero in the past two years.

87% of Americans grew 63% of there own food last year.

Pornography disappears from the internet!

News media to stop entertaining and just report the news.

Earth year celebrations have been extended for another ten years.

Studies show increasing incidence of honesty in politicians.

All major league sport venues reduced player salaries to match average joe's wages and contributed the savings to help abolish world hunger.

That's just the front page! This can't be for real! I can't stand all this positivity and bright out look. It's positively outrageous.

There has to be a way to go back to the way we were.

Oh well, I guess I'll just have to get used to it what else can a fella do?

If any of you read this paper and looked at the inside sections, what did you read there????

Comments are open!

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Blogger Christine and FAZ said...

Apparently 100% of bloggers have something interesting to say as well.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Lucy said...

hahaha I could never have stopped reading this!
too funny and entertaining ( AS usual Rel)
I love that you ride that bike to protest... Instead of cutting your nose to spite your face, Your tightening your gluteus! good job.

3:50 PM  
Blogger Head Cookie said...

LOL you are very funny and entertaining so I agree with Lucy I can't stop reading. I do think you should of been able to go into the store and buy your paper and your gingerale without the guilt of those poor lil scouts but you did your best and bought a box lol. Yeah some of those headlines okay all of them outrageous.

6:27 PM  
Blogger paisley said...

oh this was outrageous!!! yes it was... just once,, even as an april fools day prank,, couldn't the front page be nothing but good news??? what a joyous day that would be....

8:28 PM  
Blogger anthonynorth said...

An outrageously good post. And an interesting paper, too.

10:24 AM  
Blogger Pirate Princess said...

LOL! Wonderful use of all three prompts.

I think your paper needs a new editor who might use a bit more facts! LOL! ;)

and I want to know where these girl scouts are - I never see them around here...

1:41 PM  
Blogger Churlita said...

man, I would love to open a paper and read all of that good stuff.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Tammie Lee said...

Love your poetry. clever.

You had me laughing with those headlines, I sure would like to see some reality like that.

6:02 PM  
Blogger Tammy Brierly said...

I'd get a paper if it read like that! You are a funny dude Rel. ; I really enjoyed your comment at Lucy's blog. xxoo

8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh wouldn't that be the day when the headlines match our wishes

Very funny piece!

12:00 PM  
Blogger Tumblewords: said...

I'd love to read your paper! Excellent post - a laugh, a giggle and a ton of thought!!

12:45 PM  
Blogger Wanderlust Scarlett said...

I love the Creation of Adam.
I love that you buy girl scout cookies
I love that you took the time to stop to talk & listen to the 'postmistress' (and referred to her as such)
I love that you used 'pontificate'; it's not used enough
I love all your headlines; I'm moving to that town, posthaste.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

6:03 PM  

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