Sunday, June 29, 2008

#117 Vision

Mark Twain said:

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

In the deep dark recesses of my adolescsnt mind resides a gremlin who whispers, as unrelentingly as the sea erodes the shore; "you're weak, you're stupid, you're not good enough- you are a fucking poor excuse for a human being; a failure!

Oh that little bastard is a coniving SOB: no matter what successes I may have attained in life, he always finds a way to belittle them.

At night I steal away, from that wretched failure monger, to my dreams of success and prowess. Ah, if only....... But dreams are just that; dreams, fantasies.

After years of dreaming dreams that don't come true, the despicable little beast has gained more ammunition to hunt down and destroy my self-esteem. So, you may wonder why I've yet to be reduced to a state of catatonia or worse yet, to have ended my earthly plight. Why have I not shuffled off this mortal coil?


Because, through-out my whole life, I've been exposed to people who saw in me more than I could see in myself.

Aunt Nellie, who, despite my childish antics, and adolescent mischief making, always told me what a good boy I was.

Uncle Ed, who refused to accept my awkward attempts to play baseball as inability. He kept putting me in the line-up until I'd proven to myself that he was right in his encouragement.

Mrs. Wells, my 6th grade teacher, who, when she sent my report cards home, always ended her comments with; Bobby is capable of doing better.

Coaches Plimpton and Stratford, who snatched me from the brink of juvenile delinquency to turn me into the athlete I never envisioned.

Mrs. Hunter an art teacher who praised my inovative paintings, which were actually products of my unknowing colorblindness.

Mrs. Robie, High school vocal music teacher, who encouraged me to solo at concert every year.

Coach Bill Powers, who wrote in my senior year book; "to the best athelete I ever coached."

D. My wife, who pushed me out of my complacency to further my education and become the professional she envisioned me to be, and to be a better parent than mine were to me.

My whole life has been peopled by friends and acquaintences who saw a better me than I saw. Even today, my friend Leigh refuses to allow me to give in to an aging body; always encouraging and praising so that I push against the aging process.

What's the secret to success for a man who has been plagued by a nay-saying inner-self? I still take refuge in my dreams; dreams of things that can never be, will never happen, and/or should never happen. Yet some of those dreams, those that I call visions, are achievable. By paying attention to how I act and behave in those dreams, I have a blueprint of how to act during my waking hours. I act as if I've already achieved my dream. In essence I chose and choose to believe what those who believe in me say and have said: Bobby's capable of doing better.

Leigh and rel, Ottawa 1/2 marathon 2008.... front and center.

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Blogger Tammy Brierly said...

This was an inspiring tribute to those people who believe in you. If only we could see each other the way our friend's and family do.

Don't give that little bastard one more second of thought. You are a good man and I am VERY proud to call you my friend. You help save lives everyday and run freaking marathons for goodness sake. Lets add to that how many people love you.

Even your comments encourage all who respect you in this blog world. You are one that I would be hopeful to meet one day. Enough mush, you're the man dude! ;)

12:57 PM  
Blogger Becca said...

Good for you, Rel - kick that nay-saying self to the curb!

I think we're all plagued by little demons like that at one time or another. It's great to have folks in our lives who help us keep our visions in the line of sight, and prod us along on the path.

Great post!

2:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post really resonates with me. Today my inner monster is really messing with me, so your words came at a perfect time. Thanks.

5:53 PM  
Blogger Synchronicity said...

that is really great that you have so many who believe in you. i am new to your blog and i will have to come back to visit again.

9:21 PM  
Blogger mareymercy said...

We can either let that inner voice hold us back, or use it to push us to improve. You are capable of doing the latter, which makes you a hero!

10:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're a fighter, Rel. That's huge.

That gremlin just might qualify as a (nasty) personal trainer.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Churlita said...

I loved this post. I have had horrible self-esteem issues since I was a kid. I'm getting better as I get older, but it's a struggle. I don't know about you, but my kids are some of my biggest fans and that's helped me more than anything.

8:13 PM  
Blogger Wanderlust Scarlett said...

It is imperative to have those who can see what we are, because when we look, we do not see what is really there... our own interpretations of who we are, are completely skewed.

We look from the inside out... but when we examine anything, do we not look from the outside in, to see the core? We cannot do it with ourselves.

I'm so glad you listened to those who believed in you, because they were right.

I am always so proud of you for the things you do, the goals you set and reach, the standards that you live by, the support and encouragement that you give, and your wise and wonderful ways.

Toss the gremlin, he must go. There is no place for a liar inside.

And... don't you wish we could have been best friends with Mark Twain?

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

1:38 PM  
Blogger Kay Cooke said...

That you daily fight off the negative programming your brain was maybe wired to receive early on in life is testament to your tough, positive preference and strength.

5:57 AM  

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